Tour de of Britain, Stage 3. Normanby Hall Country Park to Scunthorpe.

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David Cameron showing his usual great conviction on the helmet debate.

Well, before I  update you on today I should update you on yesterday. I reported that Edvald Hagen-Boss had won the stage but after the umpires reviewed the finish they quickly came to the decision, after 3 hours 17 minutes, that “Eddie” should be declared OUT. Team Skye riders Elia Viviani was declared the stage winner and overall leader of the race. I’m not sure if the rumours of David Brailsford-Sir entering the umpires room with a stuffed padded envelope for protecting fragile items in the post is true.

What a splendid setting for stage start! Normanby Hall Country Park is a sprawling structure of gardens, meadows and buildings belonging to a gentleman going by the name of Reginald Sheffield-Sir. Reggie m’lud, as he is known locally, is one of the top toffs in the country but also happens to be the father-in-law of the former High Emperor of the United Kingdoms of Great Britain David Cameron. Keen cyclist and and advocate of wearing a helmet, on his handlebars, Mr Cameron had his father-in-law construct some lovely fields of wheat on the property for his work mates and was also responsible for the erection of a pig sty.

I took a stroll around the sty and other farm buildings before the stage start and soon became overcome by a tremendous pong. I looked around for the source of the stench, expecting to find a pile of manure somewhere, but all I could see was a tall bald man with glasses lurking in the shadows. I asked the fellow “Did you just trumpet”? But he just scuttled away embarrassed and muttering something like “It was Emma Pooley”.

On the route there were three climbs on the way including Wrawby Hill, “The Lagos de Covadonga of Lincolnshire” before we finished up in Scunthorpe.

Towards the end of the stage we passed the Humber Bridge. Blimey! What a corker! The 2220 metre long building is the longest bridge in the world and what’s more, the busiest with daily traffic of 120,000 vehicles per week. I saw a long line of lorries going over it heading in our direction and I asked one of the guys if it was one of those driverless truck convoy things I’ve been reading about but as it got closer I realised it was the Team Skye cavalcade. And who was driving the lead vehicle but the phantom farter from this morning. Brailsford-Sir! I should have known!

The Austrian Caleb Ewan won the stage and retakes the overall lead of the race.